Whirlwhind of emotions, sting in death.

It's well past midnight. Wednesday, now, one day before I have to leave.
And the only thing to show that I am moving to Seattle soon is a measly pile of clothes on my bed.

I packed a little today, leisurely, with my dear friend Anna. But we kept getting distracted, drinking tea and talking a lot. So finally, we went to the Stone Arch bridge, Big Brain Comics and the Lit Loft-our favorite part of town, as of late. Near the bridge, we sat on a stone ledge, overlooking the river, our feet dangling over the tall grass. I looked at the view of Minneapolis with bitersweetness. The air smelled like fish, but we sat there, anyways. We have so many memories there. Anna is not a believer, and she is sweeter to me than any friend. She talked to me about how she is disappointed in every human, in life, love. I poured out my heart about my struggles, and we talked about a million other things. I think God was trying to prepare me for what would come later. I didn't pick it up.

Then we went to my house, and we sat on my porch in the thunderstorm, smoking cigars (something I will no longer be able to do, at SPU), quietly. We said goodbye.

I, in turn, tried to pack a little more and had dinner with my family. Then my phone rang. It was a 612 number. I expected a certain someone, and answered giddily. But I was surprised. It was my friend Emily, from South. I had no idea why she called, or how she even got my number.
I asked, "What's up?", and the second she responded my heart sank. I knew, before she said it.

She began to sniffle-and my heart broke, right there, before she said the words. I started to sob uncontrollably into the mouthpiece. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but Nik Morton died."
That was the last straw. Everything from the last month or so came out-I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't pack all night.

Basically, my very dear friend from South, was slaughtered by a semi, biking. The details are gruesome.
And the worst part for me has been dealing with death, apart from Christ. The sting has not been removed. Nik, was not a believer, and he was close to my heart.
He was unabashedly gay, unabashedly against Jesus Christ.
You can pray for me-I'm overcome in terrible grief-because there is no comfort. I don't even know how to handle my mourning-because I know he is burning in hell.

I won't write the rest.                                                                               
Pray for me-that God would especially confirm to me that He, too, has a burning desire for the inner-city South kids I know to embrace the Living God.
I need to know that, just about now.

And pray I will be able to actually pack tomorrow and not spend the day sobbing in my closet.

Salvation belongs to our God.

grace and peace,
Rosie

"My Shield is with God, who saves the upright in heart. God is a righteous judge, and a God who feels indignation every day." Psalm 7:10